wala lng. everything was supposed to be alryt already until i just read someone's blog today. yan tuloy hindi ko alam kung ano iisipin ko... i already forgave her and she forgave me so why is it that im messed up thinking it's all happening again?. fuck. it's already been months since something so bad happened and i should be glad because at least were finally friends. right? so, why?.. i better calm myself down before i tear myself up into a thousand pieces again.
it's over. so let it go. :|
i just don't want to waste another tear for all the things that i thought were true. all were lies... and i knew that. but i just wanted to clarify my feelings. it's all jumbled up. i want to feel happy and i feel so bizarrely depressed at the same time. why?. "it was over for months now." i am ALWAYS trying to keep that thought in my mind whenever i get a glimpse or even a chance of talking to that certain individual. it all seems so familiar whenever i get these chances of talking to that person. so i really should keep in mind that it's over... time will pass. and i do hope that i finally forget about that person. it tears me up whenever i think of special times we've shared. stop thinking that it is still 'us' when you know that, that person finally found someone BETTER. i always feel so ecstatic but when things turn around and i remember, i always cried myself to sleep asking myself "WHY?" wanting to ask that person "WHY?". why things had to happen?. why all of a sudden that person found someone new?. why i was such a horrid jerk? why that person had to lie about parents to get rid of me?. why?. just simply "why?"
there are things in this world that they won't allow me to know. and it seems all so familiar. so i better start thinking that it's oblivion once again before i start to tear up once more. i am so tired of crying myself to sleep. tama na. LOVING SOMEONE DOESNT MEAN YOU ARE GUARANTEED AFFECTION TOO. so stop expecting something in return.
la lng. i know i made so many mistakes. i know i made actions that were selfish. i knew i was selfish. so i just want to say sorry for every person that i acted upon so badly. i am sorry. i am also sorry if ever someone will get hurt by this post for knowing the truth. it's just that i need to express what i feel already. there's no one i can tell this to that i think would understand that is why i am writing it all up here. so that if ever someone understands me by reading this, i am ok to think that it is not only me that feels this way.
i know that i lied. and im sorry. i lied for a fact that i would be there for you when you were down. i didn't keep my word. i wasn't there to help you out. im so sorry for not being present for you. it's just that i was so scared of trying to talk to you, thinking that maybe i would screw up and you'd get mad at me again. i dont want that to happen once more. you see, i am already happy that were friends... ok?. i just dont want things to change to the times that we've been through. yes. AWKWARDNESS. dedmahan.
as i gaze upon the window under the bright moonlit-sky, i try to forget what joy you bring up to me whenever a tear rolls down my face and what we had back then that reminded me of us.
i want you to be happy. i just do. whatever happens, i promise you that i will get strong to walk up to you and actually be there to do what you did to me before. to comfort me when i was down. to show me that you were there when i needed it. forget all the pain you and i went through. i know i was a jerk. i figured that out... but i just want you to see things in a different way now. i changed. cause i knew that i was wrong. i admit it. so please... i want you to learn to trust me... even for just once... i want you to treat me as a friend and not as a scoundrel that i was before. ok?. im not asking for second chances. what i am askin for is faith and trust.
i just want to be your friend. that's all.
